Posts Like This

On any given day I do believe that I have come to terms with Sophie having MWS. Don't get me wrong, it truly sucks and if I could change it, I would. I have just learned to accept it.

When I read posts like this one, it takes me back to a very real, sad place. These types of things are the things that I looked forward to once I was told that I was having a little girl. I so badly want to be able to do every one of these things with Sophie, for Sophie, but that was all taken away from me. Instead of looking forward to these things, I am now grieving them and this grief process is going to take the rest of my life to get through.

Please, all of you moms to little girls out there. I beg of you, do all of these things and don't take a single one for granted!

25 RULES FOR MOTHERS OF DAUGHTERS

1. Paint her nails. Then let her scratch it off and dirty them up. Teach her to care about her appearance, and then quickly remind her that living and having fun is most important.

2. Let her put on your makeup, even if it means bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes. Let her experiment in her attempts to be like you…then let her be herself.

3. Let her be wild. She may want to stay home and read books on the couch, or she may want to hop on the back of a motorcycle-gasp. She may be a homebody or a traveler. She may fall in love with the wrong boy, or meet mr. right at age 5. Try to remember that you were her age once. Everyone makes mistakes, let her make her own.

4. Be present. Be there for her at her Kindergarten performances, her dance recitals, her soccer games…her everyday-little-moments. When she looks through the crowds of people, she will be looking for your smile and pride. Show it to her as often as possible.

5. Encourage her to try on your shoes and play dress-up. If she would rather wear her brother’s superman cape with high heals, allow it. If she wants to wear a tutu or dinosaur costume to the grocery store, why stop her? She needs to decide who she is and be confident in her decision.

6. Teach her to be independent. Show her by example that woman can be strong. Find and follow your own passions. Search for outlets of expression and enjoyment for yourself- not just your husband or children. Define yourself by your own attributes, not by what others expect you to be. Know who you are as a person, and help your daughter find out who she is.

7. Pick flowers with her. Put them in her hair. There is nothing more beautiful than a girl and a flower.

8. Let her get messy. Get messy with her, no matter how much it makes you cringe inside. Splash in the puddles, throw snowballs, make mud pies, finger paint the walls: just let it happen. The most wonderful of memories are often the messy ones.

9. Give her good role models- you being one of them. Introduce her to successful woman- friends, co-workers, doctors, astronauts, or authors. Read to her about influential woman- Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Marie Curie. Read her the words of inspirational woman- Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson. She should know that anything is possible.

10. Show her affection. Daughters will mimic the compassion of their mother. “I love yous” and Eskimo kisses go a long way.

11. Hold her hand. Whether she is 3 years-old in the parking lot or sixteen years old in the mall, hold on to her always- this will teach her to be confident in herself and proud of her family.

12. Believe in her. It is the moments that she does not believe in herself that she will need you to believe enough for both of you. Whether it is a spelling test in the first grade, a big game or recital, a first date, or the first day of college…remind her of the independent and capable woman you have taught her to be.

13. Tell her how beautiful she is. Whether it is her first day of Kindergarten, immediately after a soccer game where she is grass-stained and sweaty, or her wedding day. She needs your reminders. She needs your pride. She needs your reassurance. She is only human.

14. Love her father. Teach her to love a good man, like him. One who lets her be herself…she is after all wonderful.

15. Make forts with boxes and blankets. Help her to find magic in the ordinary, to imagine, to create and to believe in fairy tales. Someday she will make her 5 by 5 dorm-room her home with magic touches and inspiration. And she will fall in love with a boy and believe him to be Prince Charming.

16. Read to her. Read her Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle. But also remember the power of Sylvia Plath and Robert Frost. Show her the beauty of words on a page and let her see you enjoy them. Words can be simply written and simply spoken, yet can harvest so much meaning. Help her to find their meaning.

17. Teach her how to love- with passion and kisses. Love her passionately. Love her father passionately and her siblings passionately. Express your love. Show her how to love with no restraint. Let her get her heart broken and try again. Let her cry, and gush, giggle and scream. She will love like you love or hate like you hate. So, choose love for both you and her.

18. Encourage her to dance and sing. Dance and sing with her- even if it sounds or looks horrible. Let her wiggle to nursery rhymes. Let her dance on her daddy's feet and spin in your arms. Then later, let her blast noise and headbang in her bedroom with her door shut if she wants. Or karaoke to Tom Petty in the living room if she would rather. Introduce her to the classics- like The Beatles- and listen to her latest favorite- like Taylor Swift. Share the magic of music together, it will bring you closer- or at least create a soundtrack to your life together.

19. Share secrets together. Communicate. Talk. Talk about anything. Let her tell you about boys, friends, school. Listen. Ask questions. Share dreams, hopes, concerns. She is not only your daughter, you are not only her mother. Be her friend too.

20. Teach her manners. Because sometimes you have to be her mother, not just her friend. The world is a happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.

21. Teach her when to stand-up and when to walk away. Whether she has classmates who tease her because of her glasses, or a boyfriend who tells her she is too fat - let her know she does not have to listen. Make sure she knows how to demand respect - she is worthy of it. It does not mean she has to fight back with fists or words, because sometimes you say more with silence. Also make sure she knows which battles are worth fighting. Remind her that some people can be mean and nasty because of jealousy, or other personal reasons. Help her to understand when to shut her mouth and walk-away. Teach her to be the better person.

22. Let her choose who she loves. Even when you see through the charming boy she thinks he is, let her love him without your disapproving words; she will anyway. When he breaks her heart, be there for her with words of support rather than I told-you-so. Let her mess up again and again until she finds the one. And when she finds the one, tell her.

23. Mother her. Being a mother - to her - is undoubtedly one of your greatest accomplishments. Share with her the joys of motherhood, so one day she will want to be a mother too. Remind her over and over again with words and kisses that no one will ever love her like you love her. No one can replace or replicate a mother's love for their children.

24. Comfort her. Because sometimes you just need your mommy. When she is sick, rub her back, make her soup and cover her in blankets - no matter how old she is. Someday, if she is giving birth to her own child, push her hair out of her face, encourage her, and tell her how beautiful she is. These are the moments she will remember you for. And someday when her husband rubs her back in attempt to comfort her...she may just whisper, "I need my mommy."

25. Be home. When she is sick with a cold or broken heart, she will come to you; welcome her. When she is engaged or pregnant, she will run to you to share her news; embrace her. When she is lost or confused, she will search for you; find her. When she needs advice on boys, schools, friends or an outfit; tell her. She is your daughter and will always need a safe harbor - where she can turn a key to see comforting eyes and a familiar smile; be home.

Thankful for my children....all 4 of them.

As I am trying to research as much as I can about the doctor in PA that is performing after-birth abortions, I am finiding it more and more difficult to research. Not because I can't handle the heart wrenching, make you want to vomit details, but because of how people think it is ok to kill a baby just because it isn't perfect.

When I am reading these articles I can't help think of Sophie, Denton & Quniton, and even Shane. Here is a little recap of my twins and Shane's beginning, just for reference.

Shane was born at 26.5 weeks gestation. His mother went in to pre-eclaympsia (sp?) and had to have an emergency c-section. Shane was in the hospital for 3 months and on oxygen when he came home for another 3 months. An entire side of Shane's face was sunken in and he only weighed a little over 2lbs. He fit inside of Dan's baseball cap.

Denton and Quinton were born at 21 weeks 3 days gestation. Denton weighed a whopping 15 ounces and Quinton weighed in at 8.4 ounces. A week before I went in to labor with D & Q we were asked to have an abortion. We were told that it was what needed to be done because the boys didn't have a chance of survival once they were here. Dan and I both told the high risk doctor that it wasn't an option for us and we wanted to know what other options we had. Obviously we continued our pregnancy as long as God allowed us to and the boys were born extremely early. Denton lived for 17 minutes and never took a breath. Some doctors would say he wasn't viable. Quinton had severe physical disabilities which made him be stillborn and incompatible with life.


Thinking of every single one of my children I can help but fight back the tears because everything that I have read suggests that my babies weren't "actual people" and therefore if I want to have them killed after I deliver them, then it shouldn't be a problem. It is so hard for me to  fathom that a mother can make this choice, as if it should be a choice that one is allowed to make. Given what the "experts" are saying, my children, except for Sophie, would have been great candidates for the after-birth abortion because they were born with imperfections. That absolutely breaks my heart and fills me with rage at the same time.

Then there is Sophie. At first sight she was a completely healthy baby girl weighing 7lbs 11 oz and 21" long born at 38.5 weeks gestation = full term. She doesn't fall in to the category of the imperfect babies...at first glance, but if I determined that I didn't want her because it would too much of an economical burden for me, then some people think it is ok for me to have her killed when she was born.

 PEOPLE......CONDOMS AND BIRTH CONTROL ARE FREE!!!!!!!

 Today, Shane is a perfectly healthy 12 year old young man. He is handsome, smart, funny, caring, and full of vigor! The doctors say that you couldn't ask for better vision in a child. Shane has absolutely NO side affects from being born so early. He is truly a miracle! Sophie has had her challenges, but today, she is a healthy, spunky, spoiled little 2 year old who tugs at my heart strings daily.

To the people who think that after-birth abortions are ok, you will never get to experience this. You will never see what your child was supposed to be. Newsflash...wait for it....if you buy a car and regret it you can't take it back. If you buy a house and decide it is too much of a financial burden for you, you can't give it back without consequences. Don't think for one second you won't have consequences for killing your baby.

And they say hindsight in 20/20.