Trust Him

As I sit here and start putting my thoughts in to a familiar type face I wish I could truly convey the true sense of being completely humbled.

As you know Sophie's heart was still being monitored closely because her left pulmonary artery was narrow and wasn't allowing the proper amount of blood flow through. Because of that Sophie was going to have to have surgery. On July 23rd Sophie underwent some testing to see what type of surgery she was going to need, but we were told surgery was happening the very next month.

We all know the end of the story as well, Sophie was healed and doesn't have to have surgery after-all. I told Dr. Butto the day we left his office, on July 16th, that there was still time for a miracle and he said, "Anything can happen." I got the feeling from him that he really didn't expect it to happen although he was trying to appease me. But it DID happen! Healing happened!

Here is where I need to be completely transparent. I have an issue with trust. It may come from the childhood I had with my biological egg donor always letting me down, even through adulthood, until I decided I didn't need or want her in my life. I tend to not see the best in most people and I truly am working on it.  I also have an issue with trusting God. Do I know He will never leave me nor forsake me...yes! Or that He loves me daughter even more than I do? Of course I do, but there is always a BUT!

For example, after I received the call on the 25th of July telling me that Sophie didn't need surgery any longer I didn't fully believe them. When I would share with people the good news I caught myself saying, "As of right now Sophie doesn't need surgery." Why did I have to add in the words "as of right now"? I added it in because when I was speaking with the nurse she said it like this: "Dr. Butto looked at her scans and said everything looks good and she doesn't need surgery. He will confirm with the radiologist just to make sure he isn't missing anything."


Ok, so I knew when she called me that it was a true healing, but because she said Dr. Butto was still going to confirm with the radiologist I took that as there was still a chance he could be wrong, EVEN THOUGH that morning I prayed these exact words: "Let me receive a phone all today telling me Sophie doesn't need surgery." The Lord had given me exactly what I prayed for and I still doubted Him. Yet He still loves me.

Why am I just now sharing this with you? That would be because I just received the phone call last week that the radiologist confirmed that Sophie didn't need surgery. Once again, I didn't trust. I couldn't trust Him because there was a voice in my head saying "at this time" and "confirm with the radiologist". Once I received the first call I should have had no doubts and ran with it.

That's the ugly side of our human nature. Jesus is just asking for me to trust Him and it seems like it is conditional for me, yet His love for me is completely UNconditional.

The past few weeks at church we have been challenged to pick a word that describes an area of our lives that need work. Then we needed to pick a verse in the Bible that has that word in it and apply it to our lives. From there we were challenged to pick a thought and then a statement.

For me it was a no brainier, my word is trust.

My One Word: Trust
My One Verse: Psalm 118:8  "It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man"
My One thought: I will learn to trust YOU alone
My One Statement: I AM
(Jesus gives us the authority on Earth to use I AM, just as He told Moses to say "I AM" sent him.) When ever I think of Sophie and the things she will be healed on, I say I am (She is) Healed, I Am (She is) Perfect....