Tuesday, March 6, 2012

What Do You Say?

As many of my friends and family know, I will always find something to relate back to the lyrics of a song that I like or that I have heard along the way. I have also been known to, on occasion, ok...often break out in to random songs.  As you read this please keep in mind this course:

"What do you say in a moment like this
When you can't find the words ooh to tell it like it is?
Just close your eyes and let your heart lead the way
Oh, what do you say?
Sometimes you gotta listen to the silence
And give yourself time to think."

Shane, Sophie and I were on our way back from my soon to be Sister-In Laws bridal shower when Shane seemed to be more silent that he normally is. I asked what was on his mind, a question that I like to ask every now and then. He said nothing, of course, and I asked, Are you sure? Then it started. 

Here is how our conversation went:

Shane: "What kind of job do you think Sophie will have when she grows up?"
Me: Silence
Shane: Asked me again
Me: "Shane, I am not sure you fully understand what is going on with your sister. Sophie will never be able to work, sweetie. She isn't going to have the mental capabilities to do it and your dad and I will take care of her the rest of our lives."
The look on his face was heartbreaking!
Shane: "You mean she is always going to live with you?"
Me: "Yes, honey, she will never be able to take care of herself."

Shane was quiet for a few minutes and I was fighting back tears. Not only was I trying to process everything that Sophie is going through, but everything that my son has to go through as a result of his sister not being what society perceives as "normal." 

What seemed like forever was only a few minutes when Shane piped up again and this time, I wasn't ready for what he had to say.

Shane had a tone to his voice, he was angry, he was hurt and he was sad.

Shane: " I had dreams for my sister. I dreamed she would have a great job. Now that's not going to happen. I dreamed she would drive a nice car. That's not going to happen. I dreamed she would get married and have kids, that's not going to happen. I dreamed she would be able to talk to me, who knows if that will happen. I dreamed she would play with me, I hope that happens."

I was in tears. I couldn't speak. Sophie was in the back seat sleeping and Shane was sitting next to me crying as well. 

All I could tell Shane was that it sucks, it isn't fair, and we are going to do the best we can. I said, I know Sophie will play with you. Then, I reached over and held his hand. We didn't speak, we just cried and I just drove.

So, what do you say? 

All I know is that Sophie's condition just doesn't affect her, Dan and I. It affects every single member of our family. Shane is an amazing child who feels deeply, loves deeply, and honestly cares about people. He loves his sister so much that it hurts me to see his dreams for her crushed. 

So, in our journey together as a family, as friends, I ask that once in a while you don't just ask how Sophie is doing, but also remember Shane in your thoughts and prayers. He needs them.