I was on Facebook, like usual, and I see all these posts in my newsfeed about parents getting their kids ready for the daddy/daughter dance this weekend. I looked through their pictures, forced a smile on my face, and just hurt a little more inside.
Driving home Saturday I pass Madison school and see all the girls dressed up in the most beautiful dresses, their hair done nicely, and their daddy's with big smiles on their faces. I assume those smiles were for the joy that they were bringing to their daughters that night. Smiles to see their daughters growing up in to beautiful young ladies. I was broken as I drove past. I know that my husband will be able to take Sophie to a daddy/daughter dance at some point, but it won't be the same. Instead of picking out the cutest shoes to go with the cutest dress, I will be picking out shoes that will allow her braces to fit inside and enable her to be able to dance with her daddy. Instead of doing everything I can to make sure they have the best time possible, I am going to be worrying about my daughter being made fun of because she doesn't look like everyone else, or talk, or maybe even not walk. That is my reality.
I mean, let's face it, as parents/moms we don't grow up wanting to be parents of special needs kids. We want to be parents of the kids that will grow up to be doctors, lawyers, astronauts, or even the President of the United States. We don't raise our children to be mean to other kids, but society teaches that it is ok to treat people who are different poorly. We all want what is best for our children, even if what is best for your child isn't what is best for mine. I just know that I am going to be that mom who is jealous of other moms and it breaks my heart. I know I will get to a point, eventually, where it won't bother me so much, but I am NO where close to that. I am getting better, I feel like I make more and more progress the other day. However, Thursday night and Saturday wasn't one of those days.
I am sure this hit me harder on Saturday because the entire week last week I spent the majority of my time emailing Sophie's PT and the Wheeler Chair Supplies expert at U of M as well as researching the different things Sophie is going to need as well as finding someone to cover Sophie for Life Insurance. It is an overwhelming process. I am lucky enough to have one of my best friends, Kate, by my side to help me through the process. She has a daughter, Jozlyn, that has been through the same process as Sophie and Kate can tell me exactly what I need to do. I'm not sure I would be as far as I am without her.
So, I guess you could say that today I am feeling sorry for myself, and that is why I don't need anyone else to. My reality consists of Special Bath Seats, Toddler Assist Chairs, Mobile Seats, Feeding Seats, and wheelchairs/strollers, and not of the frilly dresses and sparkly shoes. I don't feel like I can live in the moment, I have to be preparing for the needs Sophie will have as she gets older.
On a side note, here is Sophie's new pose lately! Whether she is sitting in her stroller or lying on the floor, you can bet you will see this if you are there long enough!
