3 Steps Forward...2 Steps Back

With the passing of my cousin's baby girl, Sophia Lynn, I am brought back to the reality that I too still feel the same pain that Michelle is going to be feeling, either now or later on down the road. Grief hits us like a ton of bricks and I honestly believe that it is even worse when it is someone young, someone who hasn't had a chance to start their lives.

Going through everything with Sophie also makes me grieve the loss of Denton and Quinton again. I knew I wasn't over it, as I will never be, but I had developed some good coping skills, I had worked through my grief, I was in a good place, and now I feel like that I am back at the beginning of my grief journey. Not at the beginning as I am in despair, crying everyday, but that I am constantly reminded that my two twin boys are not here and they never will be. That life is here today, gone tomorrow.

In the process of grieving Denton and Quinton all over again, I am also grieving the death of the dreams I had for Sophie. Everything that she would grow to be, keeping her secrets, hearing the words I love you or mommy. The things that before Sophie, I would have taken for granted.

As I am walking step by step through this journey I am reminded that I do have blessings to be thankful for. even though the darkness is so much darker that the sunshine at this point in my life, I do know that we are blessed beyond measure.

Some days it takes everything I have for my feet to hit the floor in the morning. Some days it is like nothing has ever happened in our lives. I am learning to take things moment by moment. I was at a funeral last year when the Pastor said take things a moment at a time because sometimes a day is just too long. That statement resonated with me and I am learning to take the good moments throughout the day along with the bad ones.