A Letter to Heaven

At Tiny Purpose last month we were encouraged to write a letter to our baby or babies in heaven. I was resistant at first, but when I started writing, the ink just flowed from my ball point pen. It is like my heart knew exactly what it wanted to say. As my hand moved across the page so effortlessly, my heart just poured out on paper. It's funny how I can write the words on paper with a smile on my face, but when I read the letter out loud, my voice cracked, my chest was tight, and I had to wipe back tears.

I am sharing this with you so you can see that I am in a good place. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about Denton and Quinton in some way. I may tell people verbally that I have 2 children, but in my head and heart, I have 4. I just don't feel like explaining it at times and I am sure they would understand. Some days are harder, some days are easy. Some days I cry, some days I smile.

Denton & Quinton

Can you believe that it has been almost 4 years since I held you in my arms? I think of you daily. Sometimes I am sad and I fight back the tears, other times I smile because you are up in heaven. Speaking of heaven, say hello to your angel friends for me. I am sure you have met them. Aunt Sara, Auntie Sam and many of my friends all have angel babies up there. I’m sure you play together daily, just like your Auntie’s and I do down here.

When I think of you I picture you looking like your older brother, Shane. The tiniest details such as a crooked pinky finger, a unibrow that needs waxed, and the most beautiful complexion with dark skin, all of which I was able to identify on you Denton. Quinton – How does it feel to dance around on your brand new feet that have all your toes, hug people with your perfect arms, see Jesus with your new eyes, and love with the heart God had waiting for you in heaven upon your arrival? I can’t wait to see you as a whole person.

I also want to thank you. Because of you I have been able to meet some pretty amazing people. People who have angels up there with you.  I am positive you know who they are. Just so you know, their moms are just as amazing as their babies are. These moms are some of the strongest women I have been blessed to know.  Thank you for teaching me how to love. Truly love, deeply, passionately, and in the moment. 

I know this may sound odd, but thank you for Sophie. I am sure you and God talk about her often. Maybe He even lets you take part in the amazing plans He has for her. They have to be big plans because of everything your sister has had to endure. Not that it is any surprise to you, but God was faithful in the healing of your sister’s heart! Quinton and Sophie have that in common! If you get the chance, tell God that all I want for Sophie’s birthday is for her to crawl!

In closing know that you are loved. You were wanted, and still wanted. I would give the world to hold you one more time Denton, and for the first time Quinton. Goodbye for now, not forever!

Love,

Mommy