Why Not Me?

I was sitting in a room full of beautiful mom's and one dad last night listening as we poured out our hearts on the very unique grief journey that we are facing, or have faced. My heart is still heavy today as I replay the stories of a few moms in that room. I know we aren't supposed to take home the stories of other moms, but this was a particularly difficult night. Maybe it is because we are approaching our 5 year mark since delivering Denton and Quinton, maybe it is because we are in the midst of Holy Week, maybe it was because of the blood moon? Whatever the reason, I am thankful. Thankful to be blessed by each person represented in that room, each baby that will never be forgotten, each tear stained face. Today, I am thankful!

I have heard many people use the words "Why Me" when speaking of trials and tribulations that go on in their lives. I have used those words as well and have never thought twice about the impact they serve. Why Me, has recently changed for me to Why Not Me?

I have really thought about what it meant for me to utter the words, why me. Do I really think that I am so different from every other person on this planet that bad things shouldn't happen to me and my family? Do I think I am special enough, christian enough, good enough to avoid the hardships of life? Am I somehow untouchable when it comes to crappy hands being dealt out in life? This may come as a surprise to many of you, but NO, I am not any of those things when it comes to how this life here on earth is being played out. I am just the same as you, just the same as the millionaire across the country.

I was sharing last month with some ladies in my Tiny Purpose group and we discussed that the loss of a child is something that we wouldn't wish on anyone, not even on the person who we can't stand the sight of. For me, I feel when I say, Why Me, I am saying why can't someone else experience the loss of a child/children instead of me. Why can't someone else have a handicap child instead of me. How can I wish that on someone else? I can't and therefore I have changed the way I think about it. Last month I finally said it out loud in the presence of other moms and dads that have gone though the loss of a child and it was liberating!

Now we are in Holy Week and here I am again thinking of the words Why Me! Jesus died on the cross for me, for you, for all of humanity. What did I do to deserve this? Nothing, I didn't have to do anything for Jesus to die on the cross for me and I am completely humbled and in awe of that fact. Even if I was the only person on this earth, He still would have died on the cross for me! Closing my eyes and envisioning Jesus on the cross brings tears to my eyes. His pain, His suffering all because He loves me!

The pain of losing a child is a pain that I can't even being to describe using the adjectives we have as part of the English language. It is something that NO ONE should ever have to experience. Having a child with special needs is something that I wish didn't have to exist in this life at all. And to think that when I suffer and when I hurt, Jesus hurts too because He loves my babies even more than I do!

So, Why Not Me?